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It’s that time again, where you share a little bit too much about yourself with thousands of strangers.  To read about everyone else’s horror stories, go to LiLu’s TMI Thursday page.

Some of you may remember that I’ve written in the past about my stomach drama (the funny thing is, it was also on a Thursday, before I knew about TMI Thursday).

Well, one summer when I was about 11 or 12, we were up in New Hampshire visiting my dad’s family.  We were staying at my cousins’ house, which was always great for Little S and me since they were our same age.

The problem is that their house was old.  And I don’t mean like 30-40 years old.  I mean like close 100 years old.  This meant that there was only 1 bathroom, which my family was not used to.  We had 3.  There were 8 of us staying in the cousin household – my family’s 4 plus their 4.

On afternoon, all of us kids were gathered in the living room, when my stomach started acting up.

Gurgle…gurgle…

I knew what this meant and made a bee-line for the bathroom before anyone else could beat me to it.  I dropped a mean poo bomb on that poor old toilet.  After I was sure my stomach was calmed down, I went to flush the toilet.  To my horror, it wasn’t really working so well.  And I panicked.

I looked everywhere for a plunger, but couldn’t find one.  I tried flushing again, but all of the toilet paper was sort of blocking the hole and nothing was moving.  I was super embarrassed and did not want to announce what I had just done by asking for help.  And of course my parents and my cousin’s parents had gone somewhere, so I could even ask mom or dad for assistance.

The minutes were ticking by, and I was worried someone would start to get suspicious about my disappearance.  And then I saw it out of the corner of my eye – the toilet brush.

Yes, I thought, this will save the day!

So I did what any irrational teen would do.  I rammed that toilet brush down into the hole, until all the toilet paper and water were gone.  Then the toilet filled part of the way back up, and I went on my merry way.

About 20 minutes later, our other aunt came over to help my younger cousin take a bath.  At that time he was going through chemo and was pretty weak.  She was also a nurse and was there to check on him.  They headed towards the bathroom, and I didn’t give it a second thought…until I heard the scream.

My poor little cousin had gone to the bathroom, and when he flushed the toilet it errupted like a small geyser.  He got drenched by the nasty toilet water.  My poor aunt had to lift him to safety and stick him in the bathtub to save him.

At this point I had started to freak out a bit since I was in fact the last person to use the facilities.  My poor aunt couldn’t figure out where all of the toilet paper had come from…

I was about to fess up to my crime when there was a knock at the front door.  Come to find out, the water company had been working on the water lines so the pressure was turned down.  That is why the toilet wouldn’t really flush for me.  And my little cousin got sprayed because at the time he flushed, the water pressure had been turned back up, much to his dismay.  Or  at least that’s what they thought because I sure as hell never fessed up to stuffing giant wads of TP down the toilet, against its will.

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I happened to stumble across LiLu’s TMI Thursday posts  today and thought it would be fun to play along.  You have been warned…

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

When I was younger (middle school and high school), I wasn’t very sexually advanced.  I didn’t have my first real kiss until I was a freshman in high school.  That also meant I wasn’t super familiar with a guy’s below the belt area either.  I had a few make out sessions with past boyfriends where his hands ventured below my belt or under my shirt, but I never returned the favor because I just wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.  And there was no way in hell I would ask a guy for some guidance, so I just left things as they were. I would like to apologize now to all of my old boyfriends that I left with blue balls.  I just didn’t know any better!

Fast forward a few years to my first really serious boyfriend.  I really liked this guy and realized that I needed to step up the plate to return the favor, even though I didn’t know what to do.

One night Boyfriend and I had gone out to a movie, then we ended up back at my place so we could hang out.  We walked into the living room to chat with my parents, who were watching TV.  We sat down and decided to watch for a little while.  All of a sudden, the show they were watching ended and Sex and the City came on (this was in its early years).

I did a quick survey around the room and realized how awkward everything was about to turn.  Here were Boyfriend and I, and my parents.  I was just getting ready to stage a mass exodus, when Samantha popped onto the screen.  And what was she doing?  Well folks, she was giving a guy a BJ.  It was the episode about the funky spunk.  I seriously thought that boyfriend might die from the awkwardness, and I might pass out from embarrassment.  I quickly jumped up, grabbed his arm, and shouted to my parents that we were going to watch a movie in my room.  You have never seen 2 teens move that fast.

We ended up in my room, sort of laughing about the strange situation we had just left behind.  Then we popped in a movie  and snuggled up on the bed.  During the movie, Boyfriend kept looking over at me, and finally he asked me the question that I had been dreading. “So, how about you give me a BJ?”

The funny thing is, we had been sleeping together for about 4-5 months now, but BJ’s had never come up.  I was flustered and could feel my face turn red as I mumbled, “Ok, but I’m not really sure what to do.”  Being the sweet guy he was, he gave me pointers, and we were on our way.

The entire time this process was going on, I could not get the SATC episode out of my head.  Samantha and her guy with the funky spunk.  All these thoughts of grossness, started to make me panic.  I didn’t want to know what Boyfriend’s spunk tasted like.  So I did what any normal, freaked out teen girl would do.  I pulled away at the last possible second, and poor Boyfriend got spunked…in the face.

Of course I am one to laugh at inappropriate times, and I busted out laughing at his shocked expression.  I felt terrible, but I just couldn’t help it.  Needless to say, he was not thrilled.  He was actually kind of pissed off at me, and honestly I didn’t blame him.

Luckily, no grudges were held.  And we were even able to laugh about this little incident in the future!

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