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Dear Zoey,

You know I love you, and you are my pretty kitty girl.  But what the hell has gotten into you this week?!?  You are acting like a possessed wild cat.  All last night you were tearing through the house like a maniac.  Back and forth.  Up and down the stairs.  You kept going to the back door and howling at it, and when I opened it to let you out, you kept running away.  What gives?

You also refuse to sit on the couch with me or snuggle in bed, but this week you have decided to be a holy terror every morning, about 20 minutes before the alarm goes off.  Your favorite move?  Nearly jumping onto my head from the floor, then meowing loudly in my face.  Sometimes you choose to swat things off of my nightstand, which really pisses me off.  This morning I wanted to punt you because not only did you keep meowing in my face, but you scratched at the door when I locked you out, so I had to let you back in to enjoy my last 15 minutes of rest.

You need to cool it sister or you will be banished to some far corner of the house at night from now on.

Love,

Your tired and annoyed human mom

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Dear Shit-tastic Drivers,

I know 8:45 is early, and we’d all much rather be snuggled up in bed asleep than on our way to work.  But that is no excuse to drive like an idiot.  In case you have forgotten…

Green means go and to make this happen, you need to push the pedal on the right.

If the posted speed limit is 40, it is not ok to drive 35 or even 25 miles an hour, in the left lane.  If you want to drive like you are 95 years old, get in the right lane so I can go around you and get to work.

Girl in the black Mustang – You have no excuse for driving slow.  You have a fast car.  It should not take you 5 seconds to accelerate once the light turns green.  Either step on it or trade your car in for a caddy, grandma!

Love,

Frustrated by all of the bad driving Bing

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Dear Atlanta Weather,

What’s your deal Mother Nature and Old Man Winter?  Do you enjoy toying with my emotions and my immune system?  Why do you 2 always team up and throw the shitty weather on us over the weekend when we want to be out and about, doing things?  We were in the 60s earlier this week!  For the weekend, you are keeping us in the 40s and 50s, with lows in the 20s.  Not cool.  If you are going to be cold, you better give us some damn snow or just warm the hell up already.

Love,

Your not so happy camper

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