Yesterday on my way to work, I was listening to the radio and the morning show DJs began talking about the creepiest Christmas song ever.  I was driving through Atlanta, racking my brain to figure out what it was while they were on commercial.  Sadly I couldn’t think of anything.  When the show came back on, they announced that Baby It’s Cold Outside was the creepiest Christmas song of all time.

I ran through the few lyrics I knew in my head and still wasn’t quite sure what the DJs were talking about.  Then they started reading the lyrics and my jaw dropped.  If you take the lyrics out of the cute Christmassy/wintery context, they are pretty sketchy.  The girl keeps saying no and she has to go, and the guy is trying to force her to stay.  He’s forcing another drink on her and won’t listen when she says no.  It’s fairly date rapish when you think about it – and we consider it a cute holiday song.

Here are some of the lyrics that are scandalous:

The neighbors might think – Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink – No cabs to be had out there…

I simply must go – Baby, it’s cold outside
The answer is no – Ooh darling, it’s cold outside
This welcome has been – I’m lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm – Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious – Man, your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door – Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious – Gosh your lips are delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Never such a blizzard before

So after getting a new view of this classic song, I started thinking about some other songs that have a bit of a scandalous undertone.  For example…

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – This song is basically saying that mom is unfaithful and her small child saw her hooking up with Santa.  She’s tickling under his beard.  She didn’t see her child creep…

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked up
in my bedroom fast asleep.

Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town – I know this song is supposed to teach kids to behave and listen to their parents, but damn are the lyrics creepy.  It’s like a horror movie (or a peeping Tom) when you think about it.  “He sees you when you’re sleeping.  He knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good.  You better watch out!”  It makes you imagine an old guy hiding behind your curtains watching your every move…

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer – This song is hilarious, but definitely not very family-friendly.  Grandma was too boozed up on the ‘nog to have common sense to not walk home.  Then she stumbles out the door and gets killed by Santa and his sleigh.  Then grandpa is trying to move on by drinking beer and watching football.  The family’s not feeling too festive and they’re all dressed in black.  When you think about this song, it’s really freaking morbid.  And the family may be slightly alcoholic…

I’m sure there are more scandalous or sketchy holiday songs out there, I just can’t think of any more at the moment.

What are some Christmas/holiday songs that you don’t think are quite as cute as they’re intended to be?

Ho ho ho and Happy Hanukkah!

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