This morning I had an encounter with some of my neighborhood’s feathered “friends.”  It was slightly nerve-racking, and you may laugh when you read this, but I have reasons for my fears…

A few weeks ago I wrote about how awesome my neighborhood is with all of it’s beautiful nature and stuff.  Well, this morning I had a special encounter with it first-hand.  Since the boss is out of town, I came in a little late so I could stop by my neighborhood office to pick up my new pool passes. The office is on the bottom level of the building that holds the neighborhood restaurant and bar, the pro shop, and gym.  To get to the office you have to walk along this little path that winds behind the building.  Well, the building is situated right behind the lake.  This means that during the day the ducks, geese and swans will be seen roaming around nearby, probably hoping some kid will throw some bread down from the patio.

I hopped out of my car and headed over to the path, admiring the nice morning, thinking about how glad I was that it was Friday, when I was stopped in my tracks by a gaggle of geese.  Laugh all you want, but they are mean and scary.

Background on my fear:  When I was a little kid, I used to hang out at my great uncle’s house because he had a big yard, a pony and little duck pond.  While the adults were inside, I’d wander down to the pond to feed the ducks.  I was about 4 years old when this occurred. I waddled down to the lake with my little bag of stale bread and started to feed the ducks.  All of a sudden I was surrounded by 3-4 geese, who were practically eye-level with me.  They weren’t happy that I was giving so much bread to the ducks, so they swarmed me and started attacking me to steal the bread.  Needless to say, being 4, I wasn’t able to put up a very good fight, even though I tried.  I’m pretty sure they snatched the bag out of my hands after they  bit my legs, butt and spot on my hand between my forefinger and thumb.  Thankfully my 14 year old cousin was there to scoop me up like a football and run me to safety.

Once I got on the path, about 20 geese were staring me down.  There were probably 6-7 adults and the rest were babies.  The adults circled around the little ones and gave me the evil goose eye.  I had a flashback to my childhood trauma and decided to walk up the stairs towards the restaurant and try to go around them.  Well, that didn’t really work.  It took them a couple of minutes to finally mosey along, but they finally moved so I could get by.  I started down the stairs and all of a sudden one of the babies came puttering along, so one of the adults started heading back my way.  I retreated back up the stairs until they were gone.  The coast was finally clear so I finished the steps and hit the path.  Then another adult goose jumped out of the bushes.  I freaked out a little and started speed walking like hell to get away.  (I’m so lame, I know.)

After I picked up my pool passes, I headed back to the car only to encounter the gaggle, AGAIN.  This time I wasn’t intent on waiting around, so I walked through the grass.  This lead me right past one of the swans and some ducks.  I wasn’t too worried because they were eating and didn’t seem to notice me.  When I got up next to the swan it looked up, and damn those guys are tall when they aren’t floating in the water.  Nothing happened, thank God, and I was on my merry way until I saw the damn geese again.  They had come off the path onto the grass, looked at me, and started hissing.  I stepped it up a notch and hauled ass across the grass hoping that no one saw me hiding from the damn geese.

Obviously I survived my encounter.  But damn, I thought those little honkers had it out for me.