Isn’t it funny how when you meet someone new and first start dating, they can do nothing wrong? You hold them on this pedestal, thinking they are perfect, expecting so much. You tune out the outside world, and it seems like nothing else really matters because you always put them first. You both are trying to constantly woo each other by going on dates or having special moments alone. You could be in the worst mood ever and the sight of them brightens your day (that still happens). Just being near them makes your troubles melt away. There are no fights or mean remarks, and for the most part everything is perfect.
When T and I first started dating, life was like I described above. We didn’t have a real fight for like a year and a half into our relationship. We went on dates on a regular basis. Flowers or poems written by T were little trinkets I got accustomed to seeing a few times a month.
After 8 years, the sugary-sweet lining has dissolved into real life. We both work full-time (he works ridiculous hours from January to April or May), have responsibilities that may not make the other one the top priority anymore, and the stress of everyday life feels like it’s taking a toll on our relationship. Stress is something we have a lot of. I’m working 40 hours a week, handling most of the household duties (remember last week’s post?), doing a majority of the wedding planning, trying to get in shape, and still trying to spend time with my girls. He’s working crazy hours at the office, having to come home and work more, studying for the CPA (the strainer of relationships), and trying to maintain his sanity.
I just feel like it’s gotten so much harder to put time aside for us since we don’t have too much to spare. Poor T is so stressed all the time and I’m constantly frustrated. Any time I say something to him, he goes on the defensive or tells me how I don’t understand his situation. I feel like every little thing starts a stupid argument that snowballs into a fight. I lose my temper and yell (say horrible things that I really don’t mean), and he gets hurt. The little time he has free on the weekends, he wants to use to go out and unwind with friends since his days rarely end before midnight. And I understand. But I also want our old relationship back. When life wasn’t so crazy, and we were on the same schedule. I know it won’t always be this way, but until the damn CPA is passed I don’t see the shiny gold lining coming back onto our lives.
Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on him. I keep drifting back to the days where he was on the pedestal of perfect, and he could do wrong. But real life just doesn’t work that way. Our true selves and attitudes rear their ugly heads after so many years together. Maybe my temper has gotten too far out of hand. I know it’s bad, and I want to rein it in but I can’t. I let emotions take over, flowing like water out of a broken dam, and think about the consequences later.
In the real world happiness is like a new penny. Shiny and perfect in the beginning that gets a little worn down over the years. You have to take care of it and polish it to make it be like new again. You can’t slack off and expect it to happen by itself. You need to work at it and act the way you did in the beginning, when you felt like you had something to lose and wanted to show the other person that they were your number 1 priority.
I know that this is just a rocky path that we have to get over, but it sucks and I want the old, happy-go-lucky us back (minus CPA exams and 12-hour work days). But we’re in it forever, and soon that penny will get its shine back.