I am a very easy going person.  A lot of my friends kid me and say that I am the nicest person they’ve ever met, that no one hates me or I don’t hate anyone – I guess for the most part that’s true (you have to seriously double-cross me for me to write you off.  I’ll give you a few chances to make things right, after that I write you off, for good).  The bad thing is, the more you mean to me, the more comfortable I feel exposing the not-so-nice side of Bing.     

I am true to my Scorpio nature (uh-oh, better watch out).  I am very passionate, loyal, caring, emotional and inquisitive on my good days, but on my bad days I can be quick-tempered, obstinate, moody and vindictive.  And trust me, you don’t want to be around me when that happens (it’s for your own safety). 

I do try really hard to control my temper around my co-workers and my friends, and it works most of the time.  I can only remember a few times when I’ve totally lost it at a friend and screamed at them (I think I usually won since I fight dirty when you really piss me off). 

*Tangent – One time my old boss (who was tiny at 5’6, I’m 5’10 without shoes) was being a total pain in the ass yelling at me and being a shit, and I lost it on him.  And it was awesome.  I’m guessing he felt small because he asked me to sit down, and I told him I was fine standing.  So much for trying to level the playing field.  The whole office cheered when we were finished yelling.*     

The bad thing about me is that I’ve never been able to control my temper around my family.  As a kid I would act like a brat when I didn’t get what I wanted.  When I was a teenager, God help my parents for putting up with me (especially my dad), I would just lose it.  If I felt like I was getting threatened, I would verbally attack – just imagine a scorpion that feels threatened and ZAP it stings you with its tail – and sometimes would say the meanest things.  I never really meant them (only a few times) and after I cooled down everything would be ok.  I just had to get it out of my system. 

Unfortunately, now T gets the brunt of my rage, and I don’t know why.  I love him more than anything and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.  But he just annoys me so bad sometimes!!!  He can say something that’s supposed to be a joke or funny, and it sets me off.  Then I yell at him, causing a fight that makes us both miserable.  He’s been really stressed lately because he is an accountant, and this is his hell time.  On top of that, he is studying for the CPA after working 12-hour days (which I could NEVER imagine doing).  I know I need to cut him some slack and not be a psycho, but I can’t stop myself and I hate that.

Part of my temper stems from the fact that I feel like I am stuck doing everything:  cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc.  I think my psycho side expects him to come home after working a long-ass day and help me do stuff when my rational side knows that isn’t possible.  Some nights he doesn’t come home till 10:30 or later, then he stays up till 1:00 or later studying.  I know he is miserable, but I still act like a bitch.  But, I am attempting to chill out (it is one of my resolutions this year).  And I hope he can forgive my bitchy outbursts.

Btw…it is really hard to bounce between the press release I’m working on and this post.

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